Here are some of my favorite personal mantras that I find myself repeating (to myself, with my kids, and friends), followed by quotes / poems of others that have resonated over the years. These mantras help me to stay grounded, feel more patient, and be more loving.
My mantras
It’s all a gift.
I used to regularly cite the “Who knows what’s good or bad” parable of Taoist origins. You may be familiar with the story of the farmer and his horse. And in citing that story, I too would find myself avoiding the tendency to label experiences either positively or negatively. I thought it to be quite stoic. Over the last few years, I’ve shifted my perspective to believe that, it’s all a gift. If our experience is shaped by belief, then I choose the most generous interpretation, for the benefit of myself, and others too. “It’s all a gift” changes my energy every time I say it.
Follow your energy.
Speaking of energy, from the viewpoint of physics, everything is matter or energy. The two are course deeply linked. To simplify, I like to look at every experience from an energetic lens. Does this give me energy or deplete me? I try to follow where my energy leads me. I feel into it when meeting people for the first time. Really listening to my body, and picking up on the electrical signals within. When it comes to big decisions like relationships and with whom to work or where to live, I follow my energy. It might mean ending relationships that once served me. Or canceling meetings that I’m not looking forward to, and on the flip side, being intentional about with whom I spend my time.
If it’s meant to be, it will be.
There’s a balance between willing things into existence, and allowing reality to transpire as it should. I would argue these in fact are the same. If you follow your energy, you might will something into reality. There are only so many times you can do that before it’s depleted or you need a break. But if your energy isn’t quite there, you can let it be. To let things be is to appreciate the unfolding of life, and see that if something were truly meant to happen, it will. And if it’s not to happen, that’s OK. In fact, it’s exactly as it should be.
Clarity is kindness.
Years ago, I was guilty of being a people pleaser. If something was bothering me, I would swallow my tongue and minimize my own needs. I thought by not burdening others, I could make them happy. I later learned that that is not only harmful to me, but also to the people in my life who truly want to get to know me better (and perhaps fulfill those needs!). Now, my mantra of “clarity is kindness”, reminds me that when I’m being clear — about my feelings, my needs, my thoughts, my dreams — this is a form of kindness that I share with others. And I hope people feel comfortable to share themselves freely and clearly with me too.
All in good time.
This is from the eponymous 2024 Iron and Wine song. Earlier in my life, I’d be in a rush. A rush to get older (and look older, silly me), to settle down, to have kids, to get promoted, to get a certain income or net worth. There’d always be something ahead and it couldn’t come quickly enough. Now, I remind myself of “all in good time”. We’re here on this spinning planet in this form for just the right amount of time. It will all come to us. All in good time. Enjoy the journey. Be here, now.
Happiness is an inside job.
If you can’t find happiness right where you are, then where do you expect to find it? I believe it all comes from within. Externalizing your happiness is a recipe for misery. It’s a constant choice we can make in how we want to be, and how we create meaning from experience. Happiness is not something that comes when…(fill in the blank). It’s here, for us, right where we are. The Nathaniel Hawthorne quote I often think of about happiness is, “Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”
You are always choosing.
One phrase I never say: “I have to”. I don’t have to do anything. And guess what, you don’t either! Truly. Instead, I say, “I get to”, or “I’m choosing to.” The former makes it feel like a privilege (which, spoiler alert, it is!). Using language like “I have to” makes me feel like a victim, or like someone else is running my life. When I hear people say this phrase, I shudder. Often it’s habitual, second-nature. But those words have power, and I refuse to believe anyone but me is responsible for what happens in my life. It’s an empowering way to live.
Nothing is forever.
I have a tattoo of cherry blossoms to remind me of nature’s impermanence (which could be ironic if you believe tattoos themselves are permanent — I assure you the ink won’t stand the test of time). I remind myself of the impermanence of everything - ourselves, our relationships, our precious homes, our titles, incomes, you name it. It will all go, along with us. Remembering this mantra helps me to be present, and savor every experience as if it were my last.
… These mantras aren’t just words for me. They’re reminders; small inner recalibrations I return to daily when things get hard or don’t go the way I anticipated. They help me live with more presence, more courage, and more heart. I hope a few of them resonate with you, too.