Writing

January 5, 2026

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Elbert Hubbard

In a recent meeting, I smiled as I admitted guilt about falling short of a standard we had set earlier. I laughed at my mistake. One of the participants noted my reaction — my ownership of the behavior, but more importantly, how I could laugh at myself about it. The light-heartedness of it. She later remarked that she appreciated the ego-less response.

If I could add an agreement to Don Miguel Ruiz’s excellent list of four, it would be this: Don’t take yourself too seriously. I used to take myself too seriously all the time — at work, at home, during play. I even bit my brother during a friendly basketball game with our church priest. Yes, I was that serious. But that seriousness caused more suffering than I’d like to admit. It led me to feelings of unworthiness, regret, and self-punishment — all of which didn’t serve me in any meaningful way, and only led to a vicious cycle of further lament.

Here’s the thing: you can be serious about life, but at the same time, not take yourself too seriously. You’re fallible. You’re going to screw up. You’re only human, after all. I have found that reminding myself of my imperfection allows me to see things with more light, more grace, more self-compassion. That lightness allows me to float through, with a kind of peace and confidence that it all unfolds as it should — so why not let it go, and let yourself laugh about it?

January 4, 2026

Your attitude, not your aptitude, determines your altitude.

Zig Ziglar

A former colleague had a work mantra he lived by: “Happy to be here, easy to work with”. I loved the simplicity and the effectiveness of that. The first part is how you show up. Your attitude, your disposition, your default demeanor. When you’re genuinely happy to be somewhere, you have a smile on your face. You’re approachable. People like you and want to follow you.

The second part is how you collaborate. Work is all about how you work with others, because no meaningful work is done in isolation. Everything you can imagine of import was done with others involved, who were recruited, trained, trusted, and empowered. When you’re easy to work with, you go with the flow. You don’t let your ego get in the way. You roll with the punches. No task is below you, and your needs are prioritized below the team’s and company’s needs. This is every manager’s dream. To have a true team player.

I aspire to have that mentality too, not just at work, but also in everyday life. I’ve had my days where it’s hard, and I fall short — snapping in a meeting, losing my temper at home, feeling unappreciated. I ask myself how I can show up with more positivity, a smile on my face, and an assumption of good intent. I ask myself how I can serve the team, to take feedback with grace and gratitude, to make the whole greater than the sum of the parts. This is all easier said than done, of course. As my high school track coach used to say while we were gassing 400m sprints at practice: “if it were easy, anyone could do it”.

January 3, 2026

You don’t have to believe everything you think.

Byron Katie

When I was seven years old, I almost drowned. My neighbor rescued me from the bottom of his pool, and while I don’t remember much after that, what I do recall is this: a very deeply held belief that water is not safe for me. And so, for the thirty years that followed, I never brought my face into the water. Not in a bath. Not in a pool. Not in the ocean. I couldn’t. As a result of that fear, I missed out on snorkeling in Bora Bora, scuba diving in Bali, and the quotidian opportunities of swimming growing up.

On May 1, 2024, I woke up and a voice inside me said that that trauma has to go. It can’t stay here. It’s no longer serving you. I listened to it. I enrolled in swimming lessons, and because the ocean wasn’t too far, surf lessons as well. I learned to face my fears head on. I realized that the fear was a only thought in my mind, and that thought had been holding my body back for decades. I could choose a different story, and with that, a deep exhale came over me. In a few weeks, I learned to swim. I felt my courage. I felt my power, deep within, and pulsing through every fiber of my being.

A few weeks later, in June, I saw a house listed for sale that seemed perfect in every way. It had a pool — which a month earlier, would have been a dealbreaker (the first home we purchased in the Bay Area had a pool too, which we promptly removed and replaced with an ADU). But now, the pool was perfectly placed. I bought the house, moved in, and this past summer hosted swim lessons for my kids and a dozen others in the neighborhood, along with weekly pool parties for our friends and family. None of this would’ve happened if I kept believing that old story. I’m glad I chose a new one. My kids, who can’t get enough of the water now, will be someday too.

January 2, 2026

At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless; Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is, But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity, Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards, Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point, There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.

T.S. Eliot

One thing about co-parenting: every week offers a glimpse of the empty nest. After dropping off the kids, the volume level in the house drops from ten to zero. The hum of the running dishwasher, the din of the air purifier, the faintest buzz of electricity coursing through the home — all that’s audible.

It can feel jarring to go from the shouts and screams, the laughs and games, to quiet solitude. But what’s different here compared to the eventual empty nest status, is that I know the kids will be back much sooner. Two nights, in this case. Just enough time to clean, catch up on work, respond to unanswered texts and missed calls, and spend some time with loved ones. To recharge the batteries, in preparation for another stint of joy, chaos, and love.

Don’t let my thinning, greying, receding hairline fool you — despite the stress, I’m still savoring every bit of this. My daughter turns six next week, and I noted to my parents that we’ll be celebrating her sweet sixteen in just a decade. They laughed. I did too. It will be here soon enough. In the meanwhile, I make sure to give her an extra squeeze at bedtime. While she still reaches for me.

January 1, 2026

The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.

Picasso

I used to methodically reflect on past years — assessing my performance across dimensions, scoring each category, summarizing with letter grades. I wanted clarity, intention, and accountability. I brought the same level of rigor from work into my personal life. For many years, it served me well.

Now, on the first day of January 2026, I reflect on 2025 as a great year. Most of my goals revolved around surviving in this season of life: single parenthood to two young kids, evolving myself toward a higher sense of self in service of others, and to trying to stay afloat professionally in an intellectually honest way, redeeming some hard-earned poker chips in the process.

And as I turn toward 2026: I hope to exit the year with health and peace for myself and my family, unconditional love and patience for my kids who continue to be my best teachers, unwavering commitment to the people who have entrusted me professionally, and a bit more wisdom and compassion than I started the year with. It may not sound like much, but to me, it’s everything.

December 31, 2025

A healthy man wants a thousand things. A sick man only wants one.

Confucius

Last fall, which was our first in Southern California, the kids were sick at home practically every other week. Their preschool regularly sent notices encouraging parents to keep their kids home, remarking how unusually prevalent illnesses were that season. At work, it became a running joke when I shared that the kids (and me, about half the time) were sick at home, with runny noses, fevers, coughs, the flu, and a few other new variants.

I’ve waited until the end of this year to report that the kids stayed healthy, all fall long. I didn’t want to jinx it, naturally. It’s been an incredible run, perhaps a testament to maturing immune systems, an off-year for school illnesses, covid babies strengthening in kindergarten, or kids who supposedly wash their hands now (I have my doubts). Of course, after two nights at Legoland with thousands of other families, I suspect our healthy run may be in jeopardy — but I can still appreciate what we’ve had.

Health is everything. With it, everything is possible. Without it, there’s only one thing on our minds. I’m grateful to be in this magical period of life: my kids are healthy, my parents are healthy, and I am too. Not yet feeling “sandwiched”, but knowing that time will soon come, I can remind myself that these are the good times. I can savor them every night as I close my eyes, and dream of what a gift another healthy day will be.

December 30, 2025

The medicine is kind but not always gentle. It gives you the experience you need — not necessarily the experience you want.

Before sitting with ayahuasca last year, I was given the caution above. Ayahuasca comes from two plants: stems of the Banisteriopsis caapi vine and leaves of the Psychotria viridis shrub. It comes from nature. And I believe nature is God. So really, the same could be said for God — or the Universe, or whatever name you ascribe to what’s bigger than us.

The universe is kind, but not always gentle. The universe gives you the experience you need — not necessarily the experience you want. I find a deep comfort in that. Especially in moments of pain or grief or confusion. It’s not about punishment; it’s about preparation. It’s love. The universe has your back, and when you're going through a hard time, it's precisely what you need to be going through.

My experience with the plant medicine was painful — emotionally and physically. It forced me to release control and to trust. And in that surrender, I finally saw clearly, and for the first time, I felt viscerally. That’s the truth about transformation: it doesn’t caress. It carves. It breaks you open, not to return you to who you were, but to reveal who you’ve always been, beneath the noise. The version of you that’s been there all along, waiting patiently to be remembered, to be given permission.

December 29, 2025

If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

Regina Brett

There’s an old tale that goes like this: Imagine everyone throws their problems onto a wall for all to see. You get to walk by, inspect them, and then choose whichever ones you’d prefer to carry. In the end, almost everyone takes back their own.

I think about this a lot. I’ve been fortunate to know many people who have achieved worldly success, who have a beautiful family and kids, who have amassed immeasurable wealth, who have seemingly found enlightenment and the highest form of spiritual wisdom. And still — if given the choice of swapping struggles — I’d keep mine. Even during the hardest days. Especially during the hardest days.

Why? I think it comes down to this: our problems are perfectly designed for each of us. What we carry is not random or unfair or intractable. What we carry is ours, and ours alone — invitations to grow our souls toward the light they are meant to reach. While it’s tempting to envy someone else’s life from the outside, what we don’t see is the cost of what they carry. We have no idea. So no, I wouldn’t trade. My struggles are my path, and I wouldn’t have them any other way.

December 28, 2025

Your words become your world.

Nadeem Aslam

I watched a recent NYT piece going behind the scenes with the in-room dining staff at The Plaza Hotel in NYC. In addition to their inspiring stories of longevity and commitment to the guest experience, one item caught my attention: a list of “powerful words” (Good morning, Absolutely, My Pleasure, Thank you, etc), and in the center with a strike-line through them, banned words (Hi, Okay, Sure, Awesome, etc).

It was a reminder to me that words matter. How we show up, what we say, how others feel in our presence — these are all important and regular ways we demonstrate who we are and how we value others. At LinkedIn we cited “words matter” often when working in exec comms — every word matters. I made my share of mistakes, especially in written emails that came off with robotic language, stiffness, and a lack of nuance. Re-reading them later made me shudder - how did I write that? It didn’t sound like me.

Which is a good way to calibrate: Write how you speak. Use simple words. Avoid weak phrases (precisely the ones in the center of the image below). Be clear and succinct. End with gratitude. I’m working on helping my kids with this too. Eye contact. A smile. And powerful words. Do those things, and you’re already 90% there in life.

December 27, 2025

There's no softer pillow than a clear conscience.

Jay Kristoff

If you really want to know how someone’s doing, don’t ask “How are you doing?”. That’s a throwaway. Ask “how are you sleeping?” You might get a look, but you’ll learn far more. Sleep is a mirror —reflecting our internal world, how we’re living, and what we’re carrying.

Most nights, I sleep well. Sure, there’s the occasional wake-up from my kids, but in general I rest easily. I wind down every night with a reflection on the day: thinking about what I did well, where I fell short, and what I’m grateful for. But what truly helps me sleep well is knowing I acted with integrity. That I did my best.

I don’t do things because anyone tells me to do it, or because I feel like I should do it — I do things because I know in every fiber of my being, what I believe is the fundamentally right thing to do. Having that conviction, and following that conviction (even and especially when it might be hard in the short-term), gives me a clear conscience — and with that, sleep comes easy.

December 26, 2025

At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assist you.

Goethe

Earlier in my career, I optimized for option value. That is, trying to maintain as many options as possible, for the sake of preserving choice in case I changed my mind about whatever it is I wanted to do. It’s an easy thing to do because when you try to keep your options as broad and diverse as possible, you also are prolonging making any meaningful decision that would in effect limit downstream opportunities. The root of “decide” literally means “to cut off” in Latin. Who wants to cut off options?

The problem with this mentality is that the longer you choose to wait to decide, the fewer options you end up having, and the less meaningful life you lead. No one who mattered preserved options. They committed. They burned the boats. Meaning accompanies depth, and depth requires time, patience, and a long-term orientation.

Now I live with the mindset of going all in. Making the most of whatever decision I make. Making that decision the best one, not because it was ipso facto the best decision, but because I make it so. I’ve been working with the same business partner for almost 12 years. We’ve reached a level of trust during that time, that I never imagined or knew was possible. I wish everyone a level of commitment in their lives that enables them to experience the magic only possible through time.

December 25, 2025

Don't be sad that it's over, be happy that it happened.

Dr. Seuss

One of my steadfast, hard-earned, and core beliefs is that love will always leave you grateful. There’s never a wrong moment to love, or a wrong person to receive it. I believe our love is infinite, and the more love we give, the more comes our way.

With this in mind, I try to always think of the most loving action. How can I bring my love to any situation, to any person, at any time? Given my humanness, my mind still wanders — to fear, insecurity, scarcity, anger — anywhere but presence. It is hard, if not impossible, to love from these places. Returning to presence is a way to return to love. A deep breath. Touch. Nature. Sunshine. Little things, I suppose.

I can think back to all the times I gave my love, but later felt heartbroken. Or when I broke others hearts, unintentionally or for the sacrifice of something else. There are no regrets. Nothing I’d do differently. I’d still give the love, because it’s always left me with more. If you do it right, love will always leave you grateful — with the ends of your lips lifting, the edges of your eyes wrinkling — remembering not what you lost, but what you gave.

December 24, 2025

What you want is record of progress, because that’s one of the great secrets to human happiness. You never arrive. Arrival gives you almost nothing, but it’s progress toward the goal. 

Arthur Brooks, on the Tim Ferriss Podcast

This idea of never arriving, but focusing on progress toward a goal came into focus this past year — not through parenting or work, but through deadlifts. For the first 30+ years of my life, I never did a true lower body workout. My reasoning was simple, albeit irrational: I lifted weights for upper body (ego), and ran for lower body (function). I didn’t seem to understand that there were muscles in my legs, glutes, hips etc that also could benefit from the kind of tension that my biceps, triceps, chest, shoulders, and back regularly enjoyed.

That shifted about seven or eight years ago when I got a Tonal and started full body workouts. Last summer I joined a local gym, downloaded an app, and started recording every workout. I used ChatGPT to help me develop a training plan, and got to work. This past month, I hit a 266lb deadlift one-rep max (6 reps at 225lb), a 267lb barbell squat one-rep max (3x5 at 225lb), and a 239lb bench press one-rep max (one rep at 225). For my body weight, those are all advanced levels of strength. It’s kind of incredible to think that at 38, I’m the strongest I’ve ever been.

I credit a few things: Tracking progress daily. Making time for a workout six days a week. Comparing myself only to prior versions of myself. And believing that every day, I have the opportunity to be just a bit better. Progress is the goal. Strength is just a very helpful byproduct.

December 23, 2025

We’re dead. We’re dust. We’re absolutely nothing.

Mike Tyson

A year ago I watched this video of Mike Tyson, asked by a 13 year old about the legacy he wants to leave (source). I’m just going to leave his response here. It says it all.

“I don't believe in the word legacy. I just think that's another word for ego. Legacy doesn't mean nothing. That's just some word everybody grabbed on to. Someone said that word and everyone grabbed on the word, so now it's used every five seconds. It means absolutely nothing to me.

“I'm just passing through. I'm going to die and it's going to be over. Who cares about legacy after that? What a big ego. I’m going to die, I want people to think that I'm this, I’m that. No, we’re nothing. We’re dead. We're dust, we’re absolutely nothing. Our legacy is nothing.

“Can you really imagine somebody saying, I want my legacy to be this way when I’m dead. You think they might want to think about you? You think I want people to think about me when I'm gone? Who the fuck cares about me when I'm gone? My kids maybe, my grandkids.”

December 22, 2025

The things you own end up owning you.

Fight Club

In 2017, on a trip to India to visit family, I interviewed one of my Uncles, who was turning 75. I asked him about the family’s vast land, the diverse farm, the sprawling family, and what else he might want to achieve, experience, or collect in this lifetime. He paused for a moment, and I’ll never forget his response.

“It all stays here. When I die, I can’t take anything with me. It all stays here. I’m not interested in more things.” I really appreciated that line. A reminder that we are here for this fleeting moment, and then — everything we’ve gained, lost, and kept, can’t be taken with us. A reminder of what matters. The lives you create. The lives you touch. The lives you love.

I’ve never been much of a materialist. Some days I think about what a simpler life would look like. Could I really live out of a backpack? I’d like to believe it. Other days, when I think about my Uncle’s reminder, I decide to put the item back on the shelf. Do I really need it? I’ll be just fine without. Maybe even better.

December 21, 2025

Success is the product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.

James Clear

As we come up on a new year, I’m reminded of research on goal-setting. What are the best types of goals to set: Process (behaviors you control), performance (standards you set independent of others), or outcome (results relative to others)? It turns out that to improve performance, it’s best to set process goals.

For example, I have a goal of writing every day — rather than a goal about the quality of the writing, or how many people actually read it. Consistency is key. Showing up. Doing the work. When I was growing up, I was far from the smartest kid. My test scores were good, but not really great. I had friends who aced the SAT and ACT. But they didn’t put in the effort elsewhere, and their careers (and to some extent, lives) stalled. It turns out that being smart is not enough. You have to make effort, every day. Even when it’s hard.

Life rewards action. Action begets action. Whenever you’re stuck or down or depressed, just do something. Anything, really. Because that builds momentum, helps you understand things more clearly, and provides you a better sense of what to do next. It’s easy to miss a day here or there in the busyness of life — but you can always find a way to catch up. To keep going. To trust the process.

December 20, 2025

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

Michel de Montaigne

Recently published scientific research showed that amongst people with generalized anxiety disorder, more than 91% of their worries didn’t come true (source). For many, literally 100% of their worries were false. That is, they worried for naught. All that energy, all that brainpower, all that stress and suffering — for what?

Worrying is the trap that takes you from the present to some possible (and now we know, very unlikely) future. Our ancestors hundreds of years ago might have to worry about getting eaten by a bear, or whether they’d have enough food for winter. What do we worry about? Whether our online posts will get enough likes? Whether that woman or man likes us? Whether our kids are going to be all right when they grow up (spoiler alert, they will be fine)? It’s all so trivial. None of it is life or death. None of it is consequential in any cosmic way.

Learning how to stop worrying is probably the greatest gift you can give yourself. To take it easy. To breathe deeply. To feel assured that your path will unfold exactly as it should. That there is nothing in fact to worry about. In the off-chance something actually happens, deal with it then — at the only time it matters. I’ve made this discipline a core part of my life, and it’s allowed me to live in peace, in this present moment. The only moment we have.

December 19, 2025

Your body hears everything your mind says.

Naomi Judd

Earlier this week I awoke with terrible oral pain, and very swollen gums. Tender to the touch, and so sensitive that I couldn’t eat or drink anything on that side of my mouth. I called my dentist who scheduled me for an appointment for when his office opened the next day.

In the meanwhile I started my morning like I do every day (or at least, most days): with a 30 minute yoga practice. I set two intentions as I began: the first, to clear my mind, to forgive, and to release stress (there was a particularly stressful ordeal I had been ruminating on). The second, to remind myself that this pain will not linger. It too shall pass. And by virtue of the first intention, I believed it would enable the second one to come to fruition sooner. I finished my practice and went on with the day.

Within a few hours, the pain was gone. The swelling subsided. There is almost certainly a physics explanation for this, such as the brushing away of some debris caught between my gums and teeth. It’s also possible that our minds influence our body, and by setting that first intention, I allowed myself to heal. The body keeps the score, as Bessel van der Kolk wrote in 2014. I believe this. Just as the mind can induce pain, the main can also set the body free. We carry so much with us. Here’s to becoming free, becoming lighter. Becoming ourselves, again.

December 18, 2025

Pay attention to how people make you feel. Energy doesn’t lie.

Oprah

I am an ardent believer in following your energy. What this looks like is three-fold: First, calibrating your current emotions, your nervous system, your overall state. Second, observing changes in those dynamics following interactions with other people, or any activity / stimulus. And lastly, making changes to gravitate toward situations that lead to positive vibes, and away from those that detract energy or shift your state towards something unpleasant (that tingly sensation when something feels “off”).

In practice, it’s about being aware, and making decisions about how you spend your time and with whom you choose to associate, based on how you truly feel. Not about what you think in your head. But how you feel in your heart. In your soul. We’re electrically-charged atoms, walking fields of energy. I think our energized souls already know if someone’s for us or not. It might take some time for it to reach our consciousness, but if we listen deeply enough, the answer is there. It’s all within.

I follow my energy when I choose to end relationships that don’t serve me. Or when I leave early from engagements that I’m not feeling. Or when I choose to go for a solo walk to recenter myself, instead of chasing an endless supply of dopamine. It’s served me well. It’s not always the easiest decision, but it’s always been the decision I don’t regret.

December 17, 2025

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln

A few years ago a friend shared a simple framework that stuck with me. The first question is: “On a scale of 0 to 10, how is your life going for you? Zero is the absolute worst and ten is the absolute best, i.e., it couldn’t get better in any way.” If the answer isn’t a ten, the second question is “what’s keeping you from a ten today”? And finally: “what’s stopping you now from getting those things”?

I ask friends and family these questions, giving them space to stop and reflect, to look past the day-to-day grind, to zoom out and consider: how happy am I, truly? I find the responses revealing. Are they the type who can never be a 10/10? Or are they actually a 10 today, but won’t let themselves admit that level of contentedness? Are they waiting for something in the future, delaying their happiness for something out of reach or out of their control?

We all have days where we feel less than a 10. For me, the most important thing is to track that number on a daily basis, and if there’s ever a period where I’m consistently below a nine, it’s a reminder to pause and go deeper. To find support, to consider how much I have to be grateful for, to shift my attitude. To know the path I’m on is the perfect one for me. There’s nowhere, and no one I’d rather be.

December 16, 2025

The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.

Rick Warren

Now in my late 30s, one of the things I’ve learned is this: when someone you love offers to visit, don’t say no. My cousin and aunt just wrapped up a five-night stay with me, visiting from the east coast. When they reached out last month and suggested this past week to visit, I looked at my calendar and saw it was packed — work meetings, kids’ activities, travel throughout.

I was transparent that I’d be tied up a lot of the time — but not all of it. And they were clear too— this was their only window to visit for the next couple years given their own schedules. Between weddings, vacations, work, family planning, it’s never easy getting people together from across the country. So we made it work.

It was a beautiful visit. We squeezed in precious family time, park visits, and meaningful conversation. I dropped them off at the airport this morning and we smiled thinking back on the week. The older you get, the fewer chances you have to spend quality time with people you love. If those people live nearby, great. But if they don’t (and most won’t), then every visit is, in a sense, a miracle. Rare. Precious. Never to be taken for granted. In a life that’s short enough already, the gift of presence might be one of the best gifts of all.

December 15, 2025

Once you step foot onto the spiritual path, there are no coincidences.

Me?

Today I took the day off with my visiting cousin and aunt, and we walked the Botanic Garden in Encinitas. I’ve always felt a connection with nature, but in recent years — since stepping fully onto the spiritual path — that connection has deepened. I no longer see nature as something outside of me. I believe we’re all connected. God is nature. We come from nature. We return to nature. We are nature. We are God.

It was a cool morning, with the sun peeking through between passing clouds. At one point, I stood still and tilted my face toward the warmth, stretching my neck like one of the many trees and flowers craning for light. As I stood under a towering Bunya-Bunya tree, a small songbird landed a few feet away and began to sing. We made eye contact. A concert for one.

It made me teary to think about how much beauty and love is in this world. It can feel positively overwhelming to think about. This single creature sharing her voice with me. The wind through the branches. The leaves drifting gently to the earth. The sunlight breaking through it all. The deeper I go on this path, the more I know: Nothing is random. Everyone is speaking. We just have to stop and listen.

December 14, 2025

No mud, no lotus.

Buddhist saying

Over a decade ago I came across the Taoist parable of Who knows what’s good or bad. I’ve never forgotten it. The core idea: we’re far too quick to judge. What seems “bad” may lead to “good”, and vice versa. Moreover, I have found that you can draw a straight line from so-called “bad” events to so-called “good” ones (again, vice versa). Things aren’t always as clear as they seem, and life is long.

When I was rejected by both Harvard Business School and Stanford Graduate School of Business for an MBA over a decade ago, I was devastated. Crushed. An MBA was firmly on my life path. But the next year, I applied again and got in to both schools. Those admissions led to a life-changing role at LinkedIn, and a path I’m still on over a decade later. What felt like a painful setback turned out to be the seed of a transformative journey.

Since then, I’ve noticed the pattern everywhere. One door closes, another opens. Blessings arrive through hard detours. Now I don’t use the “good” or “bad” labels. They just are. The only thing we control in life is the meaning we assign to what happens. Can we see without judgment? Can we trust that there’s more to what meets the eye? Can we believe there might just be a gift on the other side, awaiting us, if only we could have the patience to persevere?

December 13, 2025

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

Maya Angelou

I have an unwritten rule in my house: No complaining. When my kids inevitably whine or gripe, I listen. I validate their feelings. That is annoying, I hear you. But then I steer them toward action. Toward ownership.

I’m repelled by people who have a victim mindset. The ones who believe the world owes them something, or that they’ve been wronged by fate or foe, or that it’s always someone else’s fault. I’ve been around people who dodge responsibility at every turn, choosing to complain rather than to take action. It’s draining.

I’m drawn to people with agency. Who take full ownership. Who, no matter what happens, find a way to move forward, to look for the bright side, to make lemonade from the proverbial lemons. Life is too short, and if you’re reading this, you’re too fortunate to be a victim. No one is coming to rescue you. Complain if you must — but don’t let it define you. Do something.

December 12, 2025

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.

Thích Nhất Hạnh

When I was in fourth grade, my teacher, Mr. Lewis, would call on me to answer questions. Every time, I’d respond the same way: a wide, sheepish smile — too shy to say anything at all. He started calling me “Smiley”. That became my nickname that year. I was the kid who always smiled.

Now my daughter is in Kindergarten, and her teacher and her classmates use the same word to describe her: Smiley. I’d like to think I passed that along to her — the gift of waking up with a smile. Of seeing life for what it is — fleeting, miraculous, and worthy of joy. We’re here. We’re alive. We get to witness this world. How could we not smile?

Too often we get lost in our mind, lost in the grind. We make up problems to give ourselves meaning and significance. But if we strip it all away, and just wake up, what’s left is enough. Breath. Light. A beating heart. And that’s the gift that helps me start every day the same. With a smile across my face, a day that begins with gratitude. Just like when I was a kid.

December 11, 2025

“Anger is the deepest form of care, for another, for the world, for the self, for a life, for the body, for a family and for all our ideals, all vulnerable and all, possibly, about to be hurt.”

David Whyte, Consolations

For a long time, I resisted anger. Whenever the feeling arose, I tried to supress it, to distance from it, to ignore it altogether. But anger, I have learned, is a signal. A blinking red light. The pulling of the andon cord. Stop everything. Something vital requires your attention. Ignore, and you will pay the price.

David Whyte goes on to write that anger “points toward the purest form of compassion”. It’s not just rage or frustration, it is an unwillingness to accept injustice, betrayal, or harm. Anger arises because you care. Because you love. Because something is at stake. He writes that anger is “often simply the unwillingness to live the full measure of our fears or of our not knowing, in our wanting the best, in the face of simply being alive and loving those with whom we live.”

In other words, “anger is the essential living flame of being fully alive and fully here; it is a quality to be prized, to be tended, an invitation to finding a way to bring that source fully into the world through making the mind clearer and more generous, the heart more compassionate, and the body larger and strong enough to hold it.”

These days when anger shows up I try to welcome it. Not to act impulsively (although I am human and make mistakes), but to listen. To remind myself that underneath that fire is care. And in a world dulled by apathy, numbness, and pessimism, that spark matters. It says: This matters. You matter. Something here is worth protecting. And that, to me, is worth honoring.

December 10, 2025

There's no race, there's only a runner. Just keep one foot in front of the other.

Lucius, Two of Us on the Run

I’ve been running weekly for a while now, and a few months ago I found a new trail near me. The first time I did it was incredible. I remember thinking: that was the perfect run. Some elevation, some views, a few miles, quiet, not too hard on the knees.

I kept doing the run every week. But over time, a pattern emerged. During that mostly downhill first mile, my mind would start drifting. I’d think about the looming hills. The climb. The effort ahead. I’d imagine my quads burning, my breath shortening. Just trying to not stop. To keep going. And then, I realized my mistake. I wasn’t running. I was thinking. Worse, I was worrying.

Now when I run, I return to the mantra: There’s no race, there’s only a runner. Just keep one foot in front of the other. It grounds me. Brings me back to this step, this breath, this moment. And once I’m back to the present moment, the worry is gone. Because there’s only now. And it’s perfect.

December 9, 2025

Please forgive me.

I forgive you.

Thank you.

I love you.

Ira Byock, The Four Things that Matter Most

A while ago I read Ira Byock’s book “The Four Things that Matter Most”. It stayed with me. So much that I made a poster of the four simple phrases in the dining area of my home, where the kids and I recite them. These words are magic. They cannot be said enough.

I think many of us wait too long to say them. Sometimes, we don’t get to say them at all. I’ve made it a point not to wait. Life’s too short, and the right moment is always this moment. Right now.

Ask for forgiveness. Admit you are only human, doing your best. No one is perfect.

Forgive each other. Forgive yourself. Forgiveness frees you from the weight of suffering.

Be grateful for everything, and entitled to nothing. It’s all a gift.

And love — in words and in actions. If you’re not sure how, start by saying it.

Let your heart soften. Doesn’t that feel better?

December 8, 2025

A soulmate is not someone who completes you. A soulmate is someone who inspires you to complete yourself.

Unknown

Typical western culture defines a soulmate singularly: one person, your destined other half, the love of your life. For a long time I believed that too. But over the last few years my thinking has shifted. I now resonate with the Kabbalistic view — that we have several soulmates across a lifetime.

A soulmate is anyone who enters your life to help you elevate your soul. They may be a partner, a child, a teacher, a lover, a friend. Regardless of the relationship, their presence is unmistakable — and completely intentional. I can think of all the soulmates who have crossed my path, often at the precise season of life, in my moment of need. Then, when their work was done, they left just as precisely. And I wasn’t the same after. I’d like to think that’s the point.

I am filled with gratitude thinking about the soulmates in my life. After all, what other feeling can you have toward another person who has helped you on your journey, to nourish your mind and your heart, and to raise your consciousness? There is only love. At least I have that in common with western culture’s view.

December 7, 2025

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Ian Maclaren

When I was at McKinsey (a lifetime ago), my manager once told me that one of my redeeming qualities was that I had a disarming personality — that I could make anyone feel comfortable enough to tell me just about anything. What I noticed over time is that people often follow those vulnerable admissions with the same reflex: “Don’t judge me.”

Now I make it a point to tell people: “I don’t judge.” And I mean it. The reason is simple: I don’t know you, so how could I judge you? I don’t know the weight you carry, the past trauma you’ve encountered, or the pain of stories held so deeply in your body. I don’t know your fears, your insecurities, your triggers. So how could I, or anyone for that matter, judge you?

We’re all doing the best we can with what we have and where we came from. Most of us are still healing from something. And underneath it all, we are the same — simple, soft beings, searching for love, meaning, and hope. Who are any of us to judge another?

December 6, 2025

Kevin: Who is you, Chiron?

Chiron: I’m me man. I ain’t trying to be nothing else.

Moonlight

I used to be a people pleaser. Always trying to be liked, to be favored, to be exalted. Wrapped inside that was “nice guy syndrome”, doing unnatural things to win love and approval, suppressing my needs, avoiding conflict. And hoping that by doing so, I’d be rewarded. It worked, until it didn’t. Then it led to resentment, contempt, and self-abandonment.

Eventually, I shed that skin and learned to be unapologetically myself. Some people don’t and won’t like that version of me, and that’s fine. Not everyone is for me, and I’m not for everyone either. I’m not trying to fool anyone. I’m not performing. I’m me, man. I do my best to always be clear with my intentions, with my boundaries. I say it almost every day: Clarity is kindness. That kindness begins with honesty about the person in the mirror.

Life is too short to pretend. Being yourself is the fastest way to filter out the wrong people, and attract the ones meant for you. Carl Jung famously said, “the privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” You don’t have to wait. You can just be that person now.

December 5, 2025

Who or what you would be without the thought? How would you see or feel about the other person? Drop all of your judgments. Notice what is revealed.

Byron Katie

We are the stories we tell. At LinkedIn, this was a mantra when we launched long-form content and encouraged members to share their perspectives. To get their stories out into the world, as a way to build one’s identity and brand.

But here’s the thing about stories: they are all made up. You might think some are “true”, but every story is told through our idiosyncratic prism. Our unique way of seeing reality, not as it is, but as our mind interprets.

Which means sometimes, you have to let the old stories go. Even the ones you’ve told yourself for years. The ones that helped you survive. Make sense of the world. Because at some point, those stories stop serving you. Holding on too tightly holds you back, holds you down. Shedding the old story means losing part of your self. But when you do that, you make room for a new story. One that might better serve this season of life, with more grace and more love and more hope.

December 4, 2025

bless the thing that broke you down and cracked you open because the world needs you open

Rebecca Campbell

A friend asked me over dinner: “Do you think you’ve got life figured out now”? I laughed and took a deep breath. Every time I think I do, life finds a way to humble me. So no, I haven’t figured it all out. Frankly, I don’t think I would trust anyone who says they have. We’re all figuring it out as we go. Believe me.

I think back to all the times I’ve felt broken, cracked open, ego shattered. Looking back, I have 100% conviction that I can draw a straight line from those breaking points to seasons of life that felt richer, more aware, more loving. More me. Those unpleasant experiences were necessary to prepare me for what was to come.

So now whenever I’m in it - really in the thick of it - the question that arises is: What new possibility is this preparing me for? Because I know in my heart one thing: the best is always yet to come.

November 2, 2025

Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.

Mary Oliver, Evidence

Sadness is inevitable in life, and one of the unfortunate aspects of sadness is that it tends to narrow our aperture. We are unable to see beyond the sadness, and we feel enclosed. The reality is that it always passes in time. But it usually doesn’t feel like it ever will, which tends to make things worse than they really are.

One way I like to work my way out is to keep some room in my heart for the unimaginable, as Mary Oliver puts it. It’s to remember the gift of this life, the dance on this planet, the company of the stars and sun. It’s to consider the possibility that there’s even more, that the best is truly yet to come.

It can be very challenging to have this mindset, yes. But it’s worth it. Remembering that most of what we have today, was actually at some point in our lives, unimaginable. And yet.

December 3, 2025

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.

Confucius

I took my kids on a 2.5 mile hike this past weekend, with a Starbucks break (pupcups!) at the midpoint. Neither asked of them to be carried. I felt proud, and I think they did too. On all of our walks, I tell them the same thing: you can walk forever.

If you keep a steady, gentle pace — no sprinting, no stopping -- you can walk forever. There’s no getting tired. Too often in their exuberance they chase down sidewalks and trails, and then buckle down (or more often, lay prone on the concrete) to catch their breath. There’s a lesson there. You can sprint here and there in life, but there’s a cost. It will catch up to you. Certainly there will be moments that require it. But don’t let it be the norm.

Instead, pace yourself. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. If you walk, you can walk forever. So much of life comes down to finding a way to keep going. To have another chance. To see another day. Take your time.

December 2, 2025

All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot!

Dr. Seuss, Oh the Places You’ll Go

Two years post-divorce, my life swings between polarities: a home buzzing with young, energetic kids singing about planets into karaoke microphones, playing school (with me as their student), chasing mischief. And then: the quiet house. Just me.

I took the first year and a half to go inward. To heal. To find comfort in my own company. I remember Sunday nights after the kids went back to their mother’s; me on the couch watching football, tears streaming down my face. Not tears of sadness. But tears of freedom. Acceptance. Becoming.

Since then, I’ve taken myself out on dates (many concerts, lots of hikes, some good food). I’ve made great friends who live nearby and we get coffee, play poker, go for walks. I’ve learned to be at peace in this season of life. To be whole. Not lacking anything. There’s no sense of loneliness when you enjoy your own company. To be alone, what a gift it can be.

December 1, 2025

If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.

W.H. Auden

As I tell my kids, there’s nothing they can do or say that will make me not love them. My love is unconditional. When they’re crying, I love them. When they’re mad, I love them. When they say mean things, I love them. When they call me “bad Dada”, I love them.

A while back I listened to a podcast where the speaker talked about how no matter what happens, she “will outlove you”. That concept resonated with me. No matter how much love you receive, you can always find a way to be the more loving one. I have found this to be an admirable way of living.

It means that my love has no bounds. My love knows no limits. It is infinite, perpetual. I choose to find a way to give my love so freely and generously because I feel no scarcity. My love is abundant, so I give it without constraint. Life feels bigger and better this way.

November 30, 2025

Give me the light years, but I want the dark ones too…

So keep the Novocain out of my wisdom teeth, wanna feel it all

Salt, then sour, then sweet

Sara Bareillis

A couple years ago while I was in the absolute nadir of life, a friend shared this article with me: In Defense of the Psychologically Rich Life. The relevant snippet is as follows:

“The psychologically rich life is full of complex mental engagement; a wide range of intense and deep emotions; and diverse, novel, surprising and interesting experiences. Sometimes the experiences are pleasant, sometimes they are meaningful, and sometimes they are neither pleasant nor meaningful. They are rarely boring or monotonous, however.”

It was perhaps her way of assuaging my feelings at the time, that in fact my life was great because of how down I was. And as a result, it was meaningful. I may have thought it was cope back then, but now I know it to be truth. Life would be boring and devoid without the episodes of sadness, despair, anger, frustration, and on and on.

Unpleasant feelings are no longer unwelcome here. I now see those feelings as gifts, as signs that something better is emerging, if only I could take a deep breath and remind myself, that this too shall pass. Better days are ahead. A richer life, indeed.

November 29, 2025

For the best results with your children, spend only half the money you think you should, but double the time with them.

Kevin Kelly

My parents looked at me over dinner and said I looked tired (gee, thanks Mom). What was it, they wondered? I smiled and shrugged. I think it’s always this way with young kids. And as a single father who is probably more active than I need to be with my kids (daily parks, neighborhood walks, trampoline bouncing, summer swims, endless activities, minimal screentime, etc), it’s not a mystery why, by nightfall, my eyes are heavy with a kind of joyful delirium.

Still, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my kids. Sometimes there’s a funny feeling where during the day, I think to myself, I need a break from them. And then, at night, after I’ve put them to bed, I look at all the photos and videos and relive the moments from the day with a smile across my face. I miss them.

Their free-spirited youth won’t last much longer. I’m fortunate to be able to fully participate in life with them right now. It’s a gift that gives in the form of belly laughs, warm hugs, wonder, awe, and unending love. I’ll trade my bleary eyes for that every night.

November 28, 2025

A hug is like a boomerang - you get it back right away.

Bil Keane

While reading with my kids tonight before bedtime, I noticed they still had energy left in the tank (Thanksgiving weekend sweets might be responsible). So I tried something new. I told them to give each other a hug for thirty seconds. I’d count.

They complied, wrapping their arms around each other on my son’s bed. They squeezed with their eyes closed as I counted, slowly at first to soak in the moment, and then faster as the natural squirming and giggling kicked in after the fifteen second mark. They took some deep breaths together; co-regulation. They made it close to 30 seconds before my daughter almost crushed my son with her affection. Afterward, I asked each of them how they feel about the other. Love. Only love. And a softness washed over them both.

Thirty second hugs might become a new ritual for us. I’ve understood the somatic powers of an embrace for a couple years, but I’d never thought to encourage my kids to offer that gift to each other. I suppose Thanksgiving felt like the right time to start a tradition rooted in pure love.

November 27, 2025

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

Rumi

Today is Thanksgiving, and I am full of gratitude. One mantra that has been emerging for me lately is simple and grounding: grateful for everything, entitled to nothing. In that spirit, I wanted to share the below poem by Rumi.

Art lands differently depending on where we are in our lives. This poem hits for me, in particular that last stanza, because of all the people I’ve met recently. Be grateful for whomever comes. I believe every person in my life today, every person who has ever crossed my path, and every person who is still to come, is there for a reason. It’s not an accident.

My work is to learn with them, to seek what they may be offering, and to give what they may be needing. There is a reason we’re connected today, let’s not lose sight of that. On this planet of eight billion souls, that we are together now, how could it not be meant to be?

November 26, 2025

Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.

David Augsburger

One of the (many) areas I’m trying to improve is how to hold space in conversation where I don’t necessarily agree with the counterparty. In these situations I have a tendency to take the role of a lawyer, documenting their assertions and preparing my objections.

In other words, I’m listening with the intent to reply, instead of the intent to understand. So when it’s my turn to speak, I jump right into my defense. And as a result, the other person doesn’t feel heard.

What I’ve learned (and continue to be humbled by) is that listening is not agreeing. Validating someone’s feelings and perspectives is not agreeing. Most of the time, the other person just wants to be heard. To be seen. And in my rush to be right or prove a point, I miss that. So this is a reminder to myself, to give myself the spaciousness to truly listen and reflect what I hear. To soak in the story they are sharing. In the hopes of getting to a better place, together, in time.

November 25, 2025

The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.

Emily Dickinson

One of my favorite things about life is that at any moment, everything could change. You could meet a person who becomes your partner, create art that inspires a fellow soul, welcome an interesting new business opportunity.

I like to think this has happened multiple times in my life. Maybe it was when a neighbor rescued me from drowning in their pool when I was six, giving me a second chance in life. Maybe it was when I liked a stranger’s retweet that six years later led us to bringing two kids into this world. Maybe it was when a colleague in a happenstance hallway interaction encouraged me to send an email (that I had no notion of ever sending), that led me to a work partnership going on 12 years.

The point is, you never know when life is going to put someone or something in front of you that will change everything. So I like to go through life thinking that anything is possible, and that this could be one of those days where everything changes. I find it’s more fun and exciting that way. An attitude of what-if, could-this-be, and it-might. No one knows, so why not believe?

November 24, 2025

 I’ve decided that not everybody’s entitled to have me in their life.

Elizabeth Gilbert, on the Tim Ferriss podcast

Not too long ago I had some hard conversations that resulted in my not working with some folks, with whom I had previously agreed to support. I’ll protect the privacy of the innocent, but this post is more about the privilege of choosing who you get to work with, and more generally, who you get to have your in your life - and who gets to have you in theirs.

I took my kids to our weekly crepe and waffle place this past week and we chatted with the kind owner, who is a one-man crew. He shared how it can be challenging because you can’t control who walks through the doors. He can’t control how they act, or what they complain about (melted chocolate most recently). I felt for him. He doesn’t control who’s in his life. That’s hard.

I’m grateful that I’m in a position where I have total control over who gets to be in my life. And I agree with the quote above - no one is entitled to me. It’s a high bar. So when people decide they don’t want me, I don’t take it personally. Not meant to be. Save your energy for the right people.

November 23, 2025

If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.

Nikola Tesla

Once you are sufficiently conscious, it’s easy to spot low-vibration people. Sadly, it’s most of us. Trying to just survive. Pessimistic outlook. Grumpy faces. Tired eyes. These are the NPCs of day-to-day life.

It took me a very long time to develop my consciousness. My default range is now between reason and love, with regular elevations to joy and occasional visits to peace. I love being here. It makes life so much more vibrant and beautiful and perfect. It’s not always easy to stay here, of course, as there are always circumstances that may attempt either consciously or subconsciously to take your energy. Fortunately, there is no going back.

How do you elevate? Some things that have worked for me: Meditation, humming, nature, walks, the gym, family, love and joy with kids, meaningful work, sunshine, trees, art, writing, conversation, learning, psychedelic or plant medicine, reading a good book of poetry, bodywork / somatic therapy, journaling, stillness, coffee, the ocean, chocolate, incense, putting away the phone, being comfortable on my own, not feeling a void or lack, and a sense of unending abundance, that the universe is perpetually on your side. Your mileage may vary.

October 26, 2025

When my daughter was born, I remember a colleague looking at a baby photo of hers and saying, she’s an old soul. How he could tell from a still photo of a newborn, I’m still not sure. But I believe he was right. She is an old soul. What does that mean?

I think she has a wisdom deep within. Possibly inherited from previous lives, or from the beyond. There is a spirit there, that is inexplainable but more often than not, absolutely right. It is as if she’s lived before and brought those experiences with her into this incarnation. I’m not 100% sure, and no one ever can be. But there’s more to her than meets the eye.

I believe there are people who walk amongst us like this. So-called old souls, who have been around the block before, likely many times. They’ve seen, learned, and grown in ways that allow them to walk on this earth with a sense of consciousness that other mortals probably can’t even understand. I’m glad she’s here. I have a lot to learn.

November 22, 2025

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Recently I’ve become an ardent believer that you can get almost anything you want. Yes, I’ve read The Secret (just last year for the record). No, I’m not crazy. I just believe you can sail through life when you believe that what you really want is what you’ll eventually get. All in good time. When it’s meant to be.

Call it attraction, call it abundance, call it manifesting. It doesn’t matter, but I’m here to say that it absolutely works. The universe is listening, and she’s on your side, despite your best efforts to think or believe otherwise. I go through life smiling at strangers, saying good morning to everyone I see, and keeping my eyes up and ears open. I find that the more I give, the more comes back to me.

I wake up smiling because it becomes a default state for how I live my life. People treat me differently when they see the smile. They soften, if only for a second, and in that softening, is a reminder that we’re all connected. And in that connection, there is only unending potential.

November 21, 2025

Self-esteem is the ability to see yourself as a flawed individual and still hold yourself in high regard.

Esther Perel

When I was younger, I used to think I had to be perfect in order to be loved. Therefore, I was perfect. There could be no other way. I was infallible. And when you’re infallible, you don’t take ownership of mistakes. You don’t apologize. There’s no need, of course. You’ve done nothing wrong, because you can do no wrong.

It took me a while to shed this skin (some would call it armor). I realized that nobody really wants me to be perfect. They just want me to be me. And it turns out, I wanted to be me too. I just thought I wasn’t worthy of love if I were only me, fallible me. But how wrong I was.

The rough edges, the messiness, the failures and mistakes and misgivings - they are not meant to be discarded or hidden. They are meant to be. Simply. That’s what makes any of us human, and what makes any human worthy of love and redemption. So now I’ve learned to own who I am. It’s the privilege of a lifetime, and I hope you feel that way about yourself too.

November 20, 2025

Writing is thinking. To write well is to think clearly. That's why it's so hard.

David McCullough

Writing is a luxury. Let me explain. When you write, it means you have three things: time, acuity, and wisdom.

Time is perhaps the most scarce resource any of us has. Time to sit down quietly, form your thoughts, and transcribe them. Most people don’t have the time in the day. They are working to survive. To make it another day. If you have time to write, it’s a blessing.

Writing requires acuity to synthesize and distill into words what matters to you. It means you have some level of cognitive capability, and (in theory at least) that your brain is lucid.

Finally, writing implies you have wisdom that you’ve accrued over the decades, through the joys and sorrows of life, that you’re willing to share with others. That you’ve been through this school of life, and have the scars to show it.

Writing is a gift that you can give to others who are in search of something you may have. I’d like to believe my writing will reach my kids some day, when they are ready to receive. For now, I’ll be grateful that I can keep sharing my words one day at a time.

November 19, 2025

What other people think about you is none of your damn business.

Kenneth C. Frazier quoting his father

In the words of Vinny Ferraro, you can become “unfuckable with” when you remember who you are, remember that you have a choice in every response, and remember that you are not determined by the thoughts of others.

I’d like to believe this is my state of being, cultivated over years of shedding pre-loaded egocentrism. It’s actually harder than it seems, especially in Indian culture where looks and perceptions carry so much weight. But, alas, life is too short to worry about what other people think of you. You can’t control it after all. Let them think what they want. Their beliefs of you say more about them than it does about you.

When you learn to become truly unfuckable with, the weight is lifted. The sunshine’s rays hit differently. Because you are free. Finally free. And it’s such a good feeling.

November 18, 2025

Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.

Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

Bruce Lee

I heard this quote from Bruce Lee over a decade ago, and I think about it all the time. Most recently last week, when following the stream of rainwater flowing down the streets with my kids. They stomped their boots, and said they were trying to stop the water from reaching the storm drains. I told them, water will find a way. I was tempted to wax philosophical with them, but held my tongue. Better to show than tell.

I think of myself as being like water. I find a way. One of my favorite phrases is “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” I believe that 100%. It’s all within reach. The only question is how badly do you want it. Most people don’t want it badly enough. They’re not willing to sacrifice, to toil, to put in the hours and blood and sweat that is required for anything meaningful.

Life is generally more interesting and rewarding when you take the form of water, and find your way around anything and everything that seemingly stands between you and your goal. And of course, when you reach the goal, the stream doesn’t stop. It becomes the ocean. What it was meant to be.

November 17, 2025

Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.

H. Jackson Brown Jr.

There are always going to be things that we don't want to do in life. No matter who you are or how much power or wealth you have, you will still need to show up at times where you'd rather not. I heard a quote recently that 88% of life is just showing up. Going where you may not want to go, being where you may not want to be, doing what you may not want to be doing.

But somehow, you find a way.

The more you show up, the more chances you have at the game of life; for more connections, for knowledge, for wisdom, for inspiration. You just never know, and that's the beauty of it. When you show up, you open yourself up to possibility. You increase the surface area for luck, chance, kismet. It's part of the magic of the universe. You just never know, but you take the first step. You show up. The rest is history.

November 16, 2025

You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.

Unknown

I love my kids, and one of the most beautiful things about them is how different their personalities are. Those differences, inevitably, lead to arguments between them. My daughter cares deeply about truth and righteousness. My son has a mischievous nature and unique worldview.

We were on a bike ride last week through the neighborhood when my son pointed out a house that had a huge strawberry tree we noticed recently. My daughter tried to correct him. “That’s not the house and that’s not the right tree.” “Yes, it is” he responded. “No it’s not!! It’s further down here.” This continued for a while, with elevating levels of frustration.

Finally, I reminded them both: “She can believe what she wants to believe, and he can believe what he wants to believe. It’s better to be loving than to be right.” (Thank you Ray Chambers). And with that, they quieted. At least for a moment, until the next debate. But I’d like to think in that silence, they both chose love. For each other, and for themselves too.

November 15, 2025

When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become.

Henrik Nouwen

Today is my 38th birthday, and I’m out celebrating with the kids (my birthday is really just an excuse for us all to have cupcakes, who’s kidding). While I never planned out my life to be the way it is today, I can say assuredly I’m so thankful it is.

Mike Tyson talked about how everyone’s got a plan until they get punched in the face. I used to be afraid of those punches. I used to dread the possibility of a fight or encounter that could hurt me, and instead choose to suffer in avoidance.

Now I see those punches for what they are. Gifts from life itself, opportunities to evolve our souls into higher elevations. I welcome the punches. Because every punch is an invitation: hey, it’s time to grow. You wouldn’t have this chance if you weren’t perfectly capable of rising to the occasion. So do what you were meant to do. You got this.

November 14, 2025

The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you lose everything that you're free to do anything.

Chuck Palahniuk

As part of our cultural norms and biological systems, there is a seemingly never-ending quest for more, and bigger, and better. It’s hard to resist in the face of relentless marketing that wants you to believe that happiness is only a few dollars away.

I’ve known people who hoard. Not happy. I’ve known people who buy luxurious products. Not happy. I’ve known people who take glamorous trips. Not happy. Until you figure out that you are responsible for your own happiness, and that the wound inside you can’t be patched by the next dopamine hit, you will continue to suffer the same miserable fate.

The only way out, is in. It’s to understand that happiness is an inside job. No product or purchase or party or person is going to make you happy. It’s all within. I know it’s trite but it’s the capital-T truth, and in the throes of day-to-day life, we often need to be reminded of it.

November 13, 2025

The quality of your relationships is the quality of your life.

Esther Perel

From the outside looking in, it’s easy to think you know what’s going on in someone else’s life. You can make some assumptions, extrapolate thinking based on evidence, create a narrative that sounds plausible. And that’s the problem. Just because it may be true, doesn’t make it so. And in most cases, you have no clue what’s going on for somebody else.

That is a feature, not a bug. That you don’t know what’s going on, and aren’t leaning on a faulty set of assumptions and beliefs, allows you to take the posture of the most generous interpretation. Believe in the best. I have found this default setting of giving people the benefit of the doubt, rather than assuming nefarious intent, helps me breathe easier, and act more compassionately.

Leading with a not-knowing beginner’s mind, filled with positive-tinted curiosity and a willingness to go places that may be uncomfortable or foreign, often determines the depth a relationship can reach. And the quality of those relationships, is the quality of our lives.

November 12, 2025

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

Nora Roberts

Relative to friends and colleagues, I feel very little shame about asking for favors. Whether it’s for an introduction, a good word to a potential customer, a reference on a possible hire — it doesn’t matter to me. I know some people who are much stingier with their social capital. Not me.

The reason is simple. People are free to say no. Or not respond at all. It’s OK. I won’t take offense, I won’t feel upset, I won’t hold a grudge. You do you. I respect it. But that won’t stop me from taking another shot. The worst that happens is a no, either explicitly or implicitly.

But the upside of asking can be life-changing. It’s usually not, to be fair. But it can be. So why not take such an asymmetrical bet? My only regret is not doing more of this, especially in real life when I tend to be more reserved, quieter, introspective. The doors are waiting to be opened. All you have to do is ask.

November 11, 2025

In the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship—be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles—is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.

David Foster Wallace

This is Water is my favorite commencement speech of all time. I listen to it once a year as a reminder of what matters. I was thinking of the quoted section above recently. The reason why, simply, is that I had a chance at a significant outcome professionally. But I missed it, and it’s gone. There was a bit of pain thinking about what could have been. A life-changing sum, for sure.

But then, what does it matter, really? There’s this beautiful Ingrid Michaelson song (don’t judge) called The Lotto, where she says:

That money's not for me

My oh my, I don't gotta hit the lotto

'Cause I gotta lot of loving for free

It’s all karmic. Wasn’t meant to be, and that money was not for me. That’s OK, because I don’t worship money. I came accept a while ago that beyond a certain point, money doesn’t really matter. I’m very fortunate to be beyond that point. A lot of it comes down to a mindset, and feeling satisfied. Feeling fulfilled. It’s better to want the things you have, than to have the things you want. I feel the love, and sense the peace. That’s enough. Next play.

November 10, 2025

We’re all on a journey from brokenness to healing.

Alex Lopes

You probably don’t know Alex, but he’s my cousin. He shared that line with me when I was going through my divorce a couple years ago, and I was fairly deep in my brokenness. I really couldn’t understand it back then, but I get it now. This is a journey we’re all on, and it never really ends. There’s no finish line.

There are some days you feel healed and whole, and then the next day the universe reminds you that life is not about making it to some destination, but rather experiencing the fullness of what it has to offer. The ups, downs, and everything in between.

Sometimes I think of the game Snakes and Ladders, which I loved playing with my brother on a small magnetic board that we’d trade in the backseat of our Mom’s minivan. Just when you think you’re going to make it, that snake drags you down from square 87 to 24. And you start all over again. It’s a journey with no ending. How beautiful it is, through it all.

November 9, 2025

There are only two ways to live your life: one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.

Albert Einstein

Mary Oliver wrote instructions for living a life in her poem Sometimes. Three lines, seven words. Hard to beat it, I think:

Pay attention, be astonished, tell about it.

These writings are my effort to do all three, in particular the last one. Writing forces you to pay attention, to notice things that sometimes go unsaid or unseen. It also gives you a surface to feel a sense of awe and wonder about the world around us. To realize how small we really are, but how beautifully liberating that can be.

Lastly, writing is storytelling, and I hope the stories and messages here find the intended recipient. Every post is a little different, and if you stumble upon one, I’d like to think it was meant to be. I don’t believe in accidents, not with the universe we live in and the God we have. Everything unfolds the way it should. If you’re here, consider paying attention. It’s always the start of something more.

November 8, 2025

When the path reveals itself, follow it.

Cheryl Strayed

Sometimes in life, things don’t go the way you planned, or hoped. The key is to know when to let it be, and when to put up a fight. My worldview here is simple. Some things just aren’t meant to be. Call it resignation. Call it acceptance. I call it divination.

I listen to the universe and I believe it all unfolds exactly as it should. So when things don’t go my way, I see it as a course-correction. A gentle nudge (or rarely, a violent shove) to go this way, not that way. And you might ask: how do I know when to follow life as it unfolds, or whether to push harder for what I thought would be my plan? I have found that if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. It just hasn’t risen to the level of consciousness.

Life is so much better when you accept reality as it is. Think of it as the path revealing itself to you, a detour for a better, more interesting version of the life you had thought would be yours. Take the step. You won’t regret it.

November 7, 2025

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.

Viktor E. Frankl

There is a phrase that I eliminated from my lexicon a few years ago: I have to. Whenever I say it, even type it, I feel powerless. I feel like a pawn in a bigger game, subject to whatever moves the greater hand wants to play. In other words, when I say “I have to…”, I feel like I have no agency. And that is not how I want to live.

It’s gotten to the point now where when I hear someone else say it, like “I have to go to the dentist today”, or “I can’t attend that meeting, I have to pick up my kids”, I will stop and sometimes question them. You have to? Really? Or do you want to? Do you get to? I don’t do this often because some people don’t like the reminder that they are in control of their lives. They’d rather be victims. I avoid these folks.

You are always deciding. Take control of your life by taking ownership of your actions. No dentist is putting a gun to your head if you miss your 6-month checkup (and if they are, I recommend finding another provider). You want to go to the dentist to have clean teeth and good health. You don’t have to pick up the kids. You want to because you love them and you love your family. You’re choosing your kids over your work. So say that. I want to pick up my kids today. There. Now you are responsible. And doesn’t that feel a lot better?

November 6, 2025

There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.

Rumi

I remember sitting with ayahuasca during our third ceremony in Costa Rica last year, and asking: what should I be doing about my career? Should I change things up? How can I best bring my gifts to the world?

The medicine spoke through me: “You have a good thing, Brian. It’s special, and you tend to lose sight of that in your constant curiosity about ‘what else’. When it’s time to make a change, you’ll know. It will be clear. And I’ll have your back. In the meanwhile, stay the course.”

I think that message of, “when it’s time, you’ll know”, applies to a lot in life. We spend way too much time hemming and hawing with pros and cons, upside/downside cases, risk vs. reward. The answer is always within. You can feel your way to it, if you learn how to quiet the world and listen to what’s inside. When you reach the point where you feel like you have no choice but to change, it will be clear. You’ll know. The universe will make sure of it. You will be notified. Until then, keep on keeping on.

November 5, 2025

A bird does not sing because he has an answer. He sings because he has a song.

Joan Walsh Anglund

My home office has a view of the Pacific ocean, which is nice. The sunsets are quite something in the fall. But what I most enjoy is the birds. Their singing, their chirping, their flying. I enjoy watching and listening over a cup of coffee, my windows open to catch the morning breeze. I have such a connection to birds that I have a tattoo of a swallow on my right forearm, which serves as a reminder of our freedom.

I think if you can sit still for a moment, and listen to the birds, you’ll hear a message. A gentle reminder, that amid the cacophony and chaos of daily life, there is a sweet, simple chorus. It plays for us, and often in spite of us. To hear the birdsong is to be present, to appreciate that we’re never really alone.

In nature, we’re always connected. To God, to each other, to our fellow spirits. How could we ever feel bored or lonely? The grace of their wings tells us - go, be free. You were meant to fly.

November 4, 2025

I heard a short prayer yesterday that stuck with me.

Dear God,

thank you for everything you have given me,

for everything you have taken away,

and for all that remains.

I spent the first 19 years of my life as a weekly church-goer. I was never devout, per se, but socialization is a real thing and I just followed what my parents did. I drifted off in the middle of college, busy with life, and also disturbed by the catholic church’s abuse scandals.

Almost 19 years later, I’ve returned. A few times with my kids (whose behavior made mass more stressful - and humorous, in their defense), and a couple of times solo. I think there’s something magical about being a part of something bigger than yourself. You bow down, you kneel, and you feel your sins and your imperfection. A reminder of our humanness.

This isn’t a post about religion, whatever if any yours may be. This is about being thankful, and remembering that we are merely players on the stage. We can be present in our gratitude for all we have had, all we have lost, and see what remains as the most precious gift of all.

October 30, 2025

How people treat you is their karma. How you respond is yours.

Wayne Dyer

What would the world be like if everyone believed in the karmic potential of their actions? For me personally, I think a lot about my karma. And while of course I’m not perfect, I try to consider the downstream impact of my behaviors. I contemplate whether this is putting love and wisdom and compassion into the world, or whether it’s a debit on the global account.

I believe in karma. I think we all come into this existence with a ledger, and we’re making deposits and withdrawals every day. Most of what we do is neutral. But there are some things we do that have negative karmic energy, and some that are positive karmically. We intuitively know what these are, but we are so clever we find ways to rationalize behavior that leads us astray. It’s an affliction of the human mind.

So I encourage you, my dear reader, to consider how you are bringing more positive energy into the world, and back to you? The more love you give, the more love comes back to you. It all comes back. It’s just a matter of time. Whether you call it life as a teacher, or what makes the world go round, it’s all coming back. Let it be good. Let it be love.

November 3, 2025

For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.

Carl Sagan

My kids are really into the solar system right now, and it’s bringing out my inner science nerd. I quiz them on planetary trivia during drives and walks, and this weekend found myself on NASA’s Space Place website (circa 2000 I would surmise).

Remembering that we are on a giant rock spinning on its axis, orbiting a massive burning ball, teetering on the precipice of life, is a wonderful reminder of how small we really are. And at the same time, how grateful we can be to be here at all. This is the ultimate juxtaposition of life: that on the one hand, we are so cosmically insignificant that nothing matters, and yet it is all a gift of immeasurable value and extremely small odds just to be here.

You can oscillate between these two views, and I have found the best place to be is somewhere in the middle but leaning towards gratitude and awe. That we’re here, I’m writing this, and you’re reading this - what are the odds? Why worry? We’re here, and that’s enough for love.

November 1, 2025

If the bee disappeared off the face of the Earth, man would only have four years left to live.

Einstein

When I was a kid, I was terrified of bees. I remember when I was 6 or 7 years old, going to check the mail, opening up the mailbox and seeing a couple bees inside, buzzing toward me. I managed to get the mail but dropped it at the front door as I ran inside. I felt a bee at my legs, near my ankle, and I swatted it away as its stinger was about halfway inside. I cried for a long time. And thus accelerated my fear.

Now I love bees. I think they are one of the most magical creatures in our world. The simplest way I have found to slow down time is to watch them work. To really watch. And when you stop to watch them, you’ll see, there’s nothing to be afraid of. They are doing their job. They are focused. They are working hard. You are nothing to them, unless you try to stop them from their job. Then they must deal with you.

But, if you are still, and kind, and respectful, you can get right up to them as they hover from flower to flower, stamen to stamen. You can see their dance up close. Behold. And be filled with nothing but gratitude and awe, for a creature so small can do so much. There’s inspiration everywhere.

October 31, 2025

“We’re all just walking each other home.”

Ram Dass

There’s a natural ebb and flow to life: sometimes you’re up, and sometimes you’re down. This is normal. The trick is, when you’re down, surround yourself with people or places that lift you up. And more importantly, when you’re up, reach out to the friends and family who might need you. The latter part is conveniently missed, because we’re all so in our heads that we sometimes miss what’s around us.

Those folks may not need you, but they’ll remember the time you were thinking of them. And for those people who did need you, you may have helped them turn the corner. I’ve been that friend, and countless friends and family have been that person for me.

One of the many gifts of life is the ability to deeply connect with others, and to be there for them when they need you. It’s a small cost, and the upside is limitless. When you’re down, let others give you their love. Be open. Be vulnerable. When you’re up, give readily and freely, because you’re there for a reason. It’s a gift you can always give.

October 29, 2025

Accept—then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.

Eckhart Tolle

One of my favorite sayings came from a dear friend: This is happening, how can I bring my love to it? Some context: I tend to struggle with aversion. Resisting reality, believing it shouldn’t be this way. This shouldn’t be happening. It’s of course a recipe for suffering, misery, unpleasant feelings and sometimes the related undesired behaviors.

So my friend recommended this mantra anytime I find myself in a situation where I can’t believe what is going on (as a single parent with two young kids, this is more often than I would admit or like). And I will say, it works.

The first part, a reminder to welcome reality. This is happening whether I like it or not. I cannot change the past. This moment is inevitable. The second part, an invitation to bring my wisdom and love (understanding, acceptance, embrace), with a heaping dose of patience. A reminder that I can now choose how I want to respond, and the easiest and most effective way is to give my love.

October 28, 2025

You can only appreciate the highest of highs if you experience the lowest of lows.

Unknown

Every time I think I’ve been through something hard, life reminds me, sometimes gently, usually forcefully: the bottom’s yet to arrive. The funny thing about reaching bottom is you only know you’re there once you’ve started to climb out. And you have some perspective, however faint or brief, that you are turning the corner.

That things are looking up.

Going through the troughs of life is never fun. There are tears of sadness, heartache and suffering, bouts of depression and misery. But I now know that there is always going to be a dawn, and that dawn will bring with it the possibility of optimism, strength, resilience, and joy that was likely never possible without first experiencing rock bottom. It was all part of the journey. So learning to see it all as a gift, however challenging, is the only way to see things.

October 27, 2025

‘“There is always music amongst the trees in the garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it.” — Minnie Aumonier

I’m writing this after watching the sunset, and being as still as possible. I can hear the drone of the cars, the bark of the dogs, the singing of the birds, and the swaying of the trees. There’s always music.

So much of life demands noise. Activity, motion, bustle, energy. Very rarely do we afford ourselves the opportunity, the privilege, of just being. Of stopping. To notice, to take in, to appreciate. To remind ourselves that we are on a giant rock spinning through space, that we come from nature and return to nature. That we are nothing and everything, and nothing matters and everything matters.

One of my favorite songs is Let’s Be Still by The Head and the Heart (whom my daughter and I met and saw live last month!). This is a reminder to be still. To hear the music. It’s always there. Just waiting.

October 25, 2025

From a tweet: What is life? • Dostoevsky: It’s hell. • Socrates: It’s a test. • Aristotle: It’s the mind. • Nietzsche: It’s power. • Freud: It’s death. • Marx: It’s the idea. • Picasso: It’s art. • Gandhi: It’s love. • Schopenhauer: It’s suffering. • Bertrand Russell: It’s competition. • Steve Jobs: It’s faith. • Einstein: It’s knowledge. • Stephen Hawking: It’s hope. • Kafka: It’s just the beginning.

My take: Life is whatever you choose it to be. It can be all of this, none of this, or some of this - it’s up to to each of us to decide.

The most powerful takeaway from David Foster Wallace’s This is Water commencement speech is that we can all construct meaning from experience in unique ways. The answer to, what is life, is at its core how we assign meaning to reality, to existence.

The beauty of life, to me, is that we are the authors of that answer. Figuring it out, one day at a time.

October 24, 2025

Is the universe friendly?

FWH Myers

Sometimes I think “I shouldn’t have done that” or I feel regret over a prior action. The thing is, I actually should have done that. It should have happened that way. The universe (inclusive of myself) unfolds exactly as it should.

I believe it’s all a gift. This is a way of living where no matter what happens, choosing to see it all as a gift from beyond, is what helps me feel no resistance to reality. Instead, it’s a welcoming embrace of what is. I’m not perfect. There are times, of course, when I question the way it is.

But when I step back, and really feel into what is, I feel lighter. Because I know I’m exactly where I should be, and things are exactly how they should be. Because they are. I believe the universe has your back, and my back too. Your mileage may vary, but life is much better this way, I have found.

October 23, 2025

And it takes no time to fall in love But it takes you years to know what love is

Jason Mraz, Life is Wonderful

It took 37 years to really know what love is. My definition of love is understanding, accepting, and embracing someone.

Understanding: See them clearly. Love starts with the desire and patience to truly learn their story; their values, fears, passions, wounds. Its about seeking to know what shapes them and drives them, without projecting your own lens. Thich Nhat Hanh has this beautiful quote: “Understanding is love’s other name.” To understand is to love. But I believe this is only the first step to real love.

Accepting: Honor who they are. The second step is practicing true acceptance of who they are, exactly for who they are. It is letting go of judgment, fixing, or wishing they were different in any way. Welcoming every part, even (especially!) the challenging ones, with openness and respect. I’ve struggled here in the past. Now I can see how every part of someone is beautiful, and worthy of love.

Embracing: Show love in their language. The final step is reminding them, through action and presence, that they are loved. It is doing it in ways that feel loving to them, not just to you. The word “embracing” here is not necessarily literal (although who doesn’t appreciate a warm hug); everyone has a different love language, and once you know what theirs is, you can genuinely be there for them in the way that they most need and value.

Love is a practice, it is a verb. It is an ongoing commitment to understand, accept, and embrace. It’s why we’re all here, if only we could be still enough to know it.

October 22, 2025

What if you gave up on all your hungers now and traded them in for a life of peace and dignity? What if everything that was offered is simply this. Whatever you see before you right now, that is what’s yours. A world called enough.

Elizabeth Gilbert, All the Way to the River

One of the most insidious trappings of modern society is the incessant desire for more. To never be satisfied. To always be longing.

What would it look like, and what would it feel like, to be content? I’ve been leaning into this state of mind lately, as the options for “more” seem to be increasing. A second home, renovations, purchases — is it really necessary? Most of what we consume is superfluous.

Instead of striving for more, and mindlessly craving, I’ve learned that true peace only comes from less. It comes from a sense of enough. And when you have enough, you realize you actually have everything.

Of course, we never really “have it”. It’s only on loan, for us to look after while we’re here. But that’s a topic for another day :)

October 21, 2025

It's only words, and words are all I have To take your heart away

Bee Gees, Words

Last night I had dinner with my friend Rohan Rajiv, whose blog A Learning A Day has been running for 17+ years(!). He’s inspired me to write every day. Or at least try.

My goals here are threefold:

1. Learn: Writing is thinking, and documenting my thoughts helps me synthesize and create wisdom from what I experience.
2. Meditate: Life is moving fast right now. Taking a bit of time every day feels like good discipline, and a canvas to empty my mind.
3. Share: I’m not going to post these on social media, but they are publicly available. If you stumble upon a post, consider the possibility that you were the intended recipient of the message.

In accordance with Don Miguel Ruiz’s four agreements, I will do my best. That is, after all, any of us can aspire to, every day.

Earlier in my career, I struggled with receiving feedback. I would brace myself, get defensive, and sometimes make excuses. Over time, a few things changed my perspective and helped me improve how I handle feedback:

Pat Wadors would remind me "feedback is a gift". The act of giving feedback is an act of courage and care. When someone takes the time to give me feedback, it means they care about my growth, and they have the courage to start a potentially difficult conversation.

Not all feedback might feel like a gift in the moment. There is a Buddhist saying that stuck with me: "What do you do when someone gives you a gift you don't want? You say 'thank you.'" Now when someone gives me feedback, the most important response from me is simple: "thank you." I feel grateful for their gift, and then can decide how to act on it separately. But starting with a posture of gratitude shifts the conversation for everyone.

This may be controversial, but I believe when we struggle in our personal lives, we tend to struggle in our professional lives too. And when we struggle at work, we often struggle at home too.

The key to untangling then becomes self-reflection: When you are facing continued challenges in the office, perhaps feeling unmotivated about the work, under-appreciated by your boss, or unmoored by your choice of career, ask yourself first: how am I doing personally? How are my relationships with the people who matter most to me, starting with myself and family?

I'd guess half the time that people voice frustration about their work, they are actually facing something far more acute at home. But they focus instead on what they perceive as more tractable or more convenient problems to solve in the office, and miss the real source of their malaise.

Any other interesting customer zero roles I missed?

Ten years ago today, I stepped into Jeff Weiner's office holding my Stanford GSB MBA admissions letter. I emerged not just with an admissions letter, but with a life-changing offer: the chance to work closely with Jeff and the LinkedIn executive team as Chief of Staff.

Over the past decade, our partnership has only grown stronger, shaped by both the highs and the inevitable lows. Today, I am profoundly grateful to continue my journey alongside Jeff at Next Play Ventures, where we coach entrepreneurial founders building world-class, purpose-driven organizations.

I believe one of the greatest gifts in life is to be understood by someone you deeply respect and admire. Jeff has been that person for me. My hope for each of you is to find someone on your professional path who understands you just as deeply.

This past week I've spoken to several CEOs/founders who are all interested in sharing more on LinkedIn (some are already active and seeing positive results for their businesses).

The advice I've shared with them:

1) Be authentic - share your personal stories, in your own words, about things that really matter to you.

2) Give first - think about how your posts can provide valuable insight, and avoid being too promotional or short-term focused.

3) Be consistent - posting regularly helps build an audience and creates a community that cares about you and your journey.

What other advice would you give to them?

During the global pandemic, many of us meaningfully considered the question, "what do I really want to do?". We re-evaluated where we live, how we spend our time, and the kind of work we wanted to do.

After many of us reflected and answered that question, AI is now imploring us to answer a different one: "What can I do now?"

The question cuts two ways. Optimistically, AI is an agent that creates, edits, and empowers us to achieve more than we ever may have dreamed. As Reid Hoffman says, "AI is a powerful tool for humans to amplify and enhance their abilities, rather than replace them entirely."

On the flip side, AI may in many cases be better than us at specific tasks. Content creation, coding assistance, design prototyping, customer outreach, data analysis, market research...

and more, seemingly every day (if not hour).

"What can I do now" simultaneously allows us to dream of possibility as well as be reminded of reality. The reality that AI will only get better from here, and as a result our human advantages are going to evolve faster than ever before.

For many professionals in tech, it's been a perfect storm: Massive layoffs, an uncertain economy impacting customers and business growth, and now the rapidly-changing nature of work in the age of AI.

No one can accurately predict the future of how this all will unfold. In the meanwhile, I'm doing my best by being curious, exploring new technologies, and reflecting on both angles of the question: "What can I do now?"

Many people seek coaching, but not everyone knows how best to approach it. Here are three qualities we've found in founders that typically create the most valuable coaching engagements:

Curiosity: asking questions, seeking to understand, and openness to evolving beliefs

Vulnerability: being candid about strengths and weaknesses, and in particular areas of development (e.g., from 360 feedback)

Accountability: following through on commitments from the coaching sessions, sharing progress, and a strong desire to continuously grow

What have you seen as characteristics of great "coachees"?

After a ten-year tenure, today is my last day at LinkedIn. To say it’s been transformative would be an understatement.

In 2012, I joined as an Associate on the Business Operations team, after Laura Dholakia and Dan Yoo took a chance on me (despite wearing a full suit to the interview). In 2014, I ran into Matt Sonefeldt, who encouraged me to email then-CEO Jeff Weiner before I left for business school at Stanford. Jeff invited me to his office that same week, and shortly thereafter offered me the role of a lifetime: Chief of Staff to the CEO. Without hesitating, I turned down business school, and didn’t look back.

During the Chief of Staff experience, I had a front-row seat to world-class compassionate leadership, during both the good times and the hard times. I helped drive our $26B acquisition with Microsoft, co-leading the subsequent integration efforts with Ben Witt, and I drove operational initiatives across the company as we scaled the business.

Along the way, I shared my experiences with almost 400,000 current or aspiring Chiefs of Staff across the world (thank you Tanya Staples for the course idea). Together, we dreamed big, got things done, and knew how to have fun :)

Looking forward, I’m grateful to deepen the partnership with Jeff as we build Next Play Ventures, coaching and investing in entrepreneurial leaders building world-class, purpose-driven organizations.

Lastly, this experience would not have been possible without the vision of our founders, including Reid Hoffman and Allen Blue, as well as all the employees, members, and customers who helped make LinkedIn what it is today.

Thank you, and Next Play!

I've recently asked people I meet to share their stories with me. But instead of the generic "tell me about yourself", I use a specific framework called "7-minute stories" that I learned from

Kevin John Delaney a few years ago.

I put the timer on for seven minutes, saying, "tell me your life story, past, present, future, in seven minutes. I won't interrupt you."

It's remarkable what I learn in those seven minutes when I give space and genuinely listen. In particular, I look for:

• Mindset: What have been the defining moments in this person's life, and how did they respond?
• Values: What truly matters to them? I pay close attention to what they focus on (and conversely, don't).

I try to ask how the person feels after sharing their story. There's usually a mix of gratitude, emotion, and in some cases catharsis. I highly recommend trying the 7-minute story in your next 1:1. You'll never know what you'll learn about folks, whether you've just met them or have worked together for years.

The upcoming recession is leading to some hard decisions. Layoffs are a visible and early sign that companies are retrenching. Focusing. Focus is about fewer things done better.

Focus requires saying no to new things, stopping what's currently in motion, and in some cases, discontinuing what's already launched (i.e., sunsetting).

Most leaders underestimate the very painful, expensive process of sunsetting a product. It doesn't matter whether it's 10 users or 10,000, whether it's beloved or seen as a "necessary evil", or whether it's used daily or monthly. Their reaction will be the same: Anger.

Why? Human nature. We're wired to collect things. Once we're given something, it's ours. And if it's taken away from us, that makes us angry. (This is likely obvious to fellow parents. When you want to give away an old toy, the kids scream. It's theirs. How dare you?)

If we use a product or service, we feel it's *ours*. Even if we don't pay for it. Even if we don't like it that much. Even if there are reasonable alternatives out there. If you sunset *our* product, we're going to be upset.

You might think, well who cares? We can't please everyone, we have to focus. The problem is, if you plan on sticking around, you have to care about your brand. What other people think of you.

In a way, a company's brand is analogous to people's trust. Trust is earned slowly over time and lost in instants. Brand is built slowly over time and damaged in instants. And both are hard to recoup.

So back to the question - how do you sunset a product or service (with grace)?

Here are five steps we've learned the hard way (and hope you won't have to):

1. Before deciding to sunset a product, explore strategic alternatives.

Will a competitor acquire it? Can you negotiate a transition to a partner (even at cost to you)? Is there a comparable replacement on the market that you could enable users to easily transition to?

We did this at LinkedIn with Slideshare, which was beloved by millions. Our product team was ready to 100% sunset the service in 2020. We knew how painful that would be, and instead challenged the team to find a graceful home for it.

It was the perfect fit for Scribd, which welcomed Slideshare, its users, and documents. Win-win solution. Do everything you can to find a good home for your users and customers.

2. Talk to customers BEFORE you sunset.

Meet with the most active users and give them a preview of what may be coming. Get their feedback and ideas, ask what they love the most and how you might be able to solve for that, and figure out compromises if possible.

At a minimum, they will help you predict what the damage is going to be. In some cases, they may help you realize it's actually a terrible decision and you need to change your mind to avoid disaster.

3. Communicate very clearly what is changing, why, and what folks can do about it.

Help customers clearly understand why this change is happening. Help them understand their choices going forward, and what, if anything, they need to do about their data.

Keep in mind: The minute the announcement goes out, competitors are going to fill the vacuum and amplify ambiguity. Set the record straight with your own proactive narrative, that your employees can point people to as needed.

Make sure the entire leadership team reviews the comms plan and understands the gravity here. Even a minor sunset of a product feature can cause significant brand damage if not handled well. Don't expect mid-level PMs to grok the possible downside. This is leadership's job.

4. Test messaging with key stakeholders.

Share your draft comms with a select group of users beforehand. Ask what may be confusing or missing. Make them feel a part of the process to the extent you can.

Ideally you have a trusted customer advisory board you can consult for this. If the risk of leaking is too high, then share with the right customer advocates inside the company for their feedback. The more you can anticipate the voice of the customer, the better prepared you'll be.

5. Give people ample time to act.

The worst thing to do is an immediate sunset, that leaves users and customers in the lurch. Aim to give at least one month for folks to figure out an alternative, and make sure to send a few reminders to avoid any surprises.

In summary: sunsetting a product is often the right strategic decision.

Every single successful company has had to shut down a product due to focus, business results, or market dynamics. But it's always hard for the team involved in building and shutting it down.

With some compassion in the short-run, it doesn't have to be so hard on your customers.

And in the long-run, that compassion will strengthen your brand (and company), and build enduring trust through some challenging times.

A simple way to improve email: write your messages such that the recipient can respond as efficiently as possible.Instead of, ”here’s a bunch of information. what do you think?”

Try: “our options are a, b, or c. My recommendation is a because xyz. Do you agree?”

Guarantee people will respond faster and more often when you take the time to lighten their burden. Of course, when you do need an open-ended or nuanced answer, pick up the phone 📞

Life gets a lot better when you:

• understand what's in your control vs. not
• focus on what's in your control
• accept what's not

Focus is liberating. It allows you to a) go all-in on a few areas and give it your best; b) immediately say "no" to anything outside your bullseye; and as a result, c) maximize your likelihood of long-term success.

When you have a team member who is struggling, I generally recommend checking the three Cs:

1) Capability: Do they have the right skills, experiences, and relationships for the role?

2) Context: Do they understand the objectives, the importance of the work, and the broader implications of their responsibilities?

3) Coaching: Have they received clear feedback and suggestions to improve their performance?

But in the last year, I've added a fourth C:

4) Circumstances: Are there things going on in their world (personally or professionally) that are impacting their ability to do great work?

When leaders seek to understand employee circumstances, they sometimes realize there is more to the story, and that leads to a more compassionate #coaching session. #feedback