Listening is not agreeing

Owner

Brian Rumao

November 26, 2025

Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.

David Augsburger

One of the (many) areas I’m trying to improve is how to hold space in conversation where I don’t necessarily agree with the counterparty. In these situations I have a tendency to take the role of a lawyer, documenting their assertions and preparing my objections.

In other words, I’m listening with the intent to reply, instead of the intent to understand. So when it’s my turn to speak, I jump right into my defense. And as a result, the other person doesn’t feel heard.

What I’ve learned (and continue to be humbled by) is that listening is not agreeing. Validating someone’s feelings and perspectives is not agreeing. Most of the time, the other person just wants to be heard. To be seen. And in my rush to be right or prove a point, I miss that. So this is a reminder to myself, to give myself the spaciousness to truly listen and reflect what I hear. To soak in the story they are sharing. In the hopes of getting to a better place, together, in time.