January 18, 2026
We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.
David Foster Wallace
This weekend I played pickleball at a local park. While waiting my turn on the sidelines, a young woman approached me asking if I watched her recently-ended game. I smiled, saying “sort of, but not really”, wondering if she were seeking feedback (as this was only my third time playing pickleball, I doubted I’d have anything to offer). She said, “I want my sister to play, but she’s not willing.” I turned to her younger sister, who was probably about 16 years old. She appeared shy, wearing baggy street clothes and completely uninterested in playing pickleball with her sister.
I asked her: “What do you think is holding you back from playing?”
“Public humiliation”, she responded quietly with a wry smile.
I thought about sharing the quote above with her, but instead I showed her all the people waiting on the sidelines — looking at their phones, talking to their friends — doing anything but actually watching the ongoing games or assessing the performance of the players on the courts. “Something you should know”, I said gently to her, “is that nobody here is paying attention to you. And that’s the best part.” Both young women smiled and laughed a bit. I’m not sure whether she ended up playing that morning. But I hope she felt free enough to try. We all forget from time to time: no one’s really watching — and that’s the gift.