Soften your heart

Owner

Brian Rumao

January 30, 2026

Only the soft-hearted can truly be brave.

Clarissa Pinkola Estés

In late 2023, a few weeks after our decision to end the marriage, I had a phone call with a former colleague who was a fellow single parent. Her advice to me while going the process was simple: Soften your heart. I was in the midst of picking up the pieces of life, wondering about all the unanswered questions and scenarios, so it’s not completely surprising that my initial reaction was that of skepticism.

Soften my heart? How could I possibly do that? Especially with a person who no longer wants me as her partner? It didn’t make any sense. Which, I suppose, is why she shared that. And why I sat with it for some time afterwards, seeking to understand. After a while, I found the wisdom in her counsel. To soften my heart was to assume positive intent, even in the face of my perception which suggested otherwise. To soften my heart was to remind myself we’re all going through this human experience for the first time together. To play up, not down, choosing kindness over fear, love over anger.

Easier said than done, of course. But as I softened my heart, we worked through mediation, settling, filing, and finalizing everything in less than a year. That included a move to Southern California, where I now write this entry. When going through relationship challenges, I’ve learned, softening your heart is always the first step. It doesn’t fix everything, but it makes space for everything that matters.