Thank you for letting me know

Owner

Brian Rumao

January 23, 2026

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood.

Ralph G. Nichols

When my daughter was younger, I remember feeling stressed about the evening bath time ritual. Most nights she’d tell me that I was doing an awful job of brushing her hair. Too hard, too fast, too much. I’d struggle internally with this feedback (if only she knew I was learning alongside her). “I’m sorry sweetie, I’m almost done. Is this better?” And for a few moments, it would be. Until the next bath.

Then I got advice that changed everything. I learned that when a child gives you feedback, there is only one way to respond, in a loving and gracious tone: “Thank you for letting me know.” A pause to let it sink in. If the moment called for it, I’d follow with an apology, and a renewed intention to do better. But that initial line changes everything. It immediately assuages the child’s nervous system. It tells her, clearly and simply: I care. You matter. And I’m so grateful that you told me.

I started using that line a year ago, and my daughter rarely comments about my brushing her hair in the bath. I could see her body relax a bit more when I respond in that way. He sees me. Now, she does comment on other things — all the time in fact, as I would only hope she would. And every time she does, I remind myself of the only way to respond in that moment. With a pause, my eyes meeting hers, and a kind expression of gratitude: Thank you for letting me know. These days I use that line anytime someone gives me feedback. It doesn’t just help them to feel safe, to feel seen — it softens me, too.