Brian RumaoJanuary 29, 2026
When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Don Miguel Ruiz
Earlier in my career I would brace when a colleague asked “Can I offer you some feedback?”. Yes, my voice would say, but my accelerated heart-rate and scrunched shoulders said otherwise. I took feedback deeply personally, letting a manager’s words weigh on me for days, weeks, and sometimes years. It’s entirely common for people who are early in their career to feel this way, because they haven’t yet found their footing, and they are walking with vulnerability and insecurity. Over time, I learned to shift that posture by realizing two things:
The first is that feedback is a mirror; when people give it to you, it says more about them than it does about you. It reveals their needs, their preferences, their sensitivities. In other words, it’s not about you. But how often we believe it so, causing us unnecessary suffering.
The second is a Buddhist aphorism: What do you say when you receive a gift you might not want? Thank you. This is the only response. You are then free to do with the gift as you please. You can use it, dispose of it, hide it, regift it — the point is, it’s your choice.
So there it is. With a sense of gratitude and a reminder to not take things personally, you become free. Now I see feedback as what it is — a gift. And whether I keep it or not is entirely up to me.