October 23, 2025
And it takes no time to fall in love But it takes you years to know what love is
Jason Mraz, Life is Wonderful
It took 37 years to really know what love is. My definition of love is understanding, accepting, and embracing someone.
Understanding: See them clearly. Love starts with the desire and patience to truly learn their story; their values, fears, passions, wounds. Its about seeking to know what shapes them and drives them, without projecting your own lens. Thich Nhat Hanh has this beautiful quote: “Understanding is love’s other name.” To understand is to love. But I believe this is only the first step to real love.
Accepting: Honor who they are. The second step is practicing true acceptance of who they are, exactly for who they are. It is letting go of judgment, fixing, or wishing they were different in any way. Welcoming every part, even (especially!) the challenging ones, with openness and respect. I’ve struggled here in the past. Now I can see how every part of someone is beautiful, and worthy of love.
Embracing: Show love in their language. The final step is reminding them, through action and presence, that they are loved. It is doing it in ways that feel loving to them, not just to you. The word “embracing” here is not necessarily literal (although who doesn’t appreciate a warm hug); everyone has a different love language, and once you know what theirs is, you can genuinely be there for them in the way that they most need and value.
Love is a practice, it is a verb. It is an ongoing commitment to understand, accept, and embrace. It’s why we’re all here, if only we could be still enough to know it.