Brian RumaoJanuary 20, 2026
No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.
Heraclitus
Over dinner this past weekend, a friend asked: Can people change? It arose in the context of a quote by Maya Angelou: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” On the surface, the quote would imply people don’t change. But when we discussed our own experiences, something felt off — we both felt like we’ve evolved significantly. So how do you reconcile it?
In one way, we’re all changing every day. This is the nature of impermanence. We are not the same person as yesterday — molecularly, mentally, emotionally. Most of these changes are subtle, gradual, unnoticeable during the machinations of day-to-day life.
But Maya’s quote speaks to something deeper. She’s talking about our fundamental, innate nature. Temperament. Personality. Values. Who you are in your core. Can that change? I believe people are absolutely capable of this kind of transformative evolution. But it requires such intrinsic motivation, a meaningful level of sustained effort, and the willingness to tolerate significant discomfort, that most people do not pursue, let alone achieve. So, back to the question: Can people change? In my experience, Maya’s generally right: People are who they are. That is, unless they are the rare kind of person willing to embrace the suffering it takes to lovingly break themselves open, to become so completely dissolved they might truly metamorphose — and become anew. Then yes — people can change. But you might be better served accepting them exactly as they are, for now.