Brian RumaoJanuary 24, 2026
Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.
Jean-Paul Sartre
Not long after my separation, I began letting friends, colleagues, and family know. Their responses were all similar: I’m so sorry. That’s awful news. I’m here for you. How are you holding up? I felt their empathy, their care, and the conversation then evolved in myriad ways depending on the relationship — but that initial response was almost a script.
Until a conversation with a relatively new friend, a fellow parent and investing partner at a well-known firm. As we walked the hills of San Francisco’s Noe Valley neighborhood in January 2024, I shared my personal update. Her response took me back: “Congrats!”. Congrats? I wasn’t sure she heard me properly. I mentioned the word “divorce” in my next sentence, to ensure the news landed more effectively. Her tone and her smile didn’t change. “Congrats. You’re going to be free. I’m guessing you both weren’t happy. Now you get to be.”
Now we get to be happy. Huh. That was a walk that changed my life. It changed my perspective on what was happening — not to me, but for me. I think about that conversation all the time, especially when I meet friends going through a divorce themselves. After the initial empathy, I now say what she said to me: Congrats. On your new life. A new chapter, you get to write. I know it’s a gift. One you may not see yet, but you undoubtedly will.