You don’t have to

November 7, 2025

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.

Viktor E. Frankl

There is a phrase that I eliminated from my lexicon a few years ago: I have to. Whenever I say it, even type it, I feel powerless. I feel like a pawn in a bigger game, subject to whatever moves the greater hand wants to play. In other words, when I say “I have to…”, I feel like I have no agency. And that is not how I want to live.

It’s gotten to the point now where when I hear someone else say it, like “I have to go to the dentist today”, or “I can’t attend that meeting, I have to pick up my kids”, I will stop and sometimes question them. You have to? Really? Or do you want to? Do you get to? I don’t do this often because some people don’t like the reminder that they are in control of their lives. They’d rather be victims. I avoid these folks.

You are always deciding. Take control of your life by taking ownership of your actions. No dentist is putting a gun to your head if you miss your 6-month checkup (and if they are, I recommend finding another provider). You want to go to the dentist to have clean teeth and good health. You don’t have to pick up the kids. You want to because you love them and you love your family. You’re choosing your kids over your work. So say that. I want to pick up my kids today. There. Now you are responsible. And doesn’t that feel a lot better?